Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
