so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
