so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
