i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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