Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
