There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
