Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
