btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
