You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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