she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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