Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
