I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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