Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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