he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
