sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
