i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
