I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
