I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
