Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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