Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
