K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize