Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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