im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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