oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
