I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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