it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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