Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
