you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
