did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
