I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
