life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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