that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i've created a new STD.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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