I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
