You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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