Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
