We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
