I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
