I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
