I want to have your abortion
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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