he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
