I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
