I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
