I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
