I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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