Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
