That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
