Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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