All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
