You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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