i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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