We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
