I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
