dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
