Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
