When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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