I am puke
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
