There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The best revenge is premature balding
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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