so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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