i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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