You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize