can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
