Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
