just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
