This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
