If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
