She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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