dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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