She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
