She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
