I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
