I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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