If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I want her autograph on my taint
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
